


The June Incident

by Oboeist3



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aro Nat, Crack, Demi Bruce is the best Bruce, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, I really don't have an excuse for this, Lithro Clint, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-17 06:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2299700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oboeist3/pseuds/Oboeist3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AKA The Story of how Tony Stark got a bunch of polyamorous queer superheroes to come out with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The June Incident

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know how this came about, but since I kind of like it, I'll leave it here. Still, I hope you like it and DFTBA.

Coulson stood outside of Fury's office, fingers curled around a folder and tapping his foot absentmindedly, looking for all the world like he would any other day. However, the slight grimace on his face and the contents of the folder he was holding made clear that was not so. He was actually working up the nerve to tell Fury what someone needed to, and though he was probably one of the most respected of SHIELD'S agents, not even that would prevent this news from pissing him off. With that in mind, he finally poked his head in the door and coughed lightly to get the Director's attention.

"Director Fury, sir?"

"Yes?" came his voice, already tinted with annoyance before he'd even got to the point of interest. 'Fuck my life.' he thought, before continuing.

"I'm afraid it's June sir." he said, trying to ease into the matter at hand.

"Yes, I know what month it is." June was not a good month for SHIELD. It was when all of their teenage heroes in training got out of school and into trouble, and supervillain activity took a sharp increase, and everyone suddenly wanted to go on vacation, leaving them understaffed and overwhelmed. But Coulson's news was not related to any of those things. Not directly, anyhow.

"Well, there was an Incident last year..."

"Which one?"

"The Avengers one, sir."

As Coulson feared, Fury instantly looked pissed.

"What about it?"

"Well, though no plans appear to have been made, other than Banner's AVEN talk on the 16th, which he informed us about through the usual routes and even sent the speech to be approved," he said, holding up a small, stapled group of papers. "All of the Avengers do appear to be present in the Tower, and quite without things to do." It was the same conditions that had caused the Incident last year, and Fury knew it.

"Send Barton and Romanoff on a mission then. Something long and unpleasant that will take up the month." he ordered, as Coulson expected.

"And the others?" The others were not under their jurisdiction, and plenty havoc could be wrecked without the assassins present. Like the Incident at Vegas.

"Increase surveillance and hope for the best." he said. "And you better go and remind them that SHIELD won't help them clean up the media mess if they try something." Go be the handler, he was reminding him. Not his favorite job, at times. He held back a sigh.

"Yes sir."

* * *

Like most incidents with a capital I, the Incident with the Avengers in June the previous year had Tony Stark in the middle of it. Specifically a bored Tony Stark. Never a good thing, as anyone could tell you.

This bored Tony Stark came about due to a variety of personal factors, Virginia 'Pepper' Potts ability to run his multinational corporation very efficiently without his help, his experiments all being in that day-in, day-out observation stage, the villains of the world, or at least of the Avengers, being surprisingly quiet. But it was also a consequence of summer, having all the time in the world to do stuff and suddenly completely out of ideas to do. However, unlike most people, who could find relief from boredom in simple, often even cheap ways, such as a vacation, finding something new to do, or sex-Tony was an eccentric, and he craved more.

It didn't help that everyone else in his Tower seemed to be having a grand ol' time. Bruce was in the middle of trying out some model that would revolutionize modern mathematics, (leaving him no time for his boyfriend, and the billionaire was annoyed by it.) Steve and Sam were getting to know each other better over video and baseball games, dates he had taunted them, causing Steve to blush, (that cute full body one), and Sam to dare him to keep teasing in one look. He got that look a lot. Clint's friend, Kate Bishop, had come to visit, and the two were happily catching up about what had happened with his dogs and her girlfriend, América Chavez, and how Dorick and Billy were constantly snogging whenever they thought no one else was looking. Even Widow was more entertained than he was, trying to add Asgardian to her list of languages by conversing with Thor constantly, who was quite eager to help her in her quest.

In short, everyone else was happy and jolly within their lives, and Tony was not. Which really wasn't fair, he figured, and so by the next time they were all assembled in the same room, movie night, he told them his plan.

"I think we should come out."

They'd all looked at him with a mix of 'what the hell Stark' and 'what are you talking about?'

"You know, with the....things. Poly thing. Relationships. Qps." he volunteered.

"Aren't you already out?" pointed out Clint, popping a piece of popcorn into his mouth. "You're pretty much textbook bi."

"Poly, technically. Non-binary, remember?" Granted, he was a demiboy, and most of the girl days were limited to a nice dress instead of a t-shirt, she/her pronouns, and wanting to do more car work than usual. He didn't bother figuring how that worked. Gender was way harder to figure out than thermo-nuclear physics.

"Whatever. I don't know about you guys, but I'm not really in the closet." the archer said, and sure he wasn't exactly out either, but his datemates were cool about it and that was all that mattered.

"Oh come on! Have you no pride in your identity?" he asked.

"Don't see you bothering to correct people when they call you a guy."

"Most of the time I am. And you are avoiding the whole thing."

Clint shrugged. "Media knowing I'm lithro would only serve to crush some poor fans hearts. Plus, it gives us a sense of mystery. Is he gay? Is he straight? Who knows!" he cried out. Steve, bless his innocent heart, added a confused comment.

"Aren't you pan?" Being stuck in a place full of queer people with all sorts of new fangled terms was always a bit confusing for the super soldier.

"Barton's just being an ass." explained Natasha, giving the two one of her trademark 'stop confusing Steve' looks. "But I agree, there isn't much point in coming out. Using my aromantism does me well in missions." Pretending to be in love with someone was so much easier when you knew you actually weren't.

"I think Tony might be right." volunteered Bruce, pushing up his glasses and earning a wide grin from the man in question. "People assuming I'm straight gets me into a lot of awkward situations." Clint snorted. How anyone could think Bruce, rumpled scientist with a black ring on his left middle finger and a wardrobe composed almost entirely of purple, grey, and white, was beyond him.

"Amen to that buddy." he said, and the whole group couldn't help but nod a little. Straight people were so bothersome, sometimes.

"So, how do we go about this 'coming out?'" asked Thor, the actual textbook bi of the group, in close tie with Steve, though his on-and-off relationship with Tony might qualify him as pan.

"Well the most formal and wise way would be via press conference, but..." Tony trailed off with a sly smirk and suddenly everyone knew.

"You have a plan, don't you?" asked Steve, and knew that whatever happened, it wasn't going to end nicely.

"I made t-shirts!" he proclaimed, and even though they all knew it was a bad idea, they figured, why the hell not? It wasn't as if they had anything better to do.

* * *

The next day everyone was stuck in t-shirts that, at least to Bruce, were actually not that bad. His own proclaimed him "demisexual, always angry, and poly as hell." The rest of the groups' were as follows.

Tony: "demiguy and super bi"

Steve: "i am too old and bisexual for this"

Clint: "arrow ace and aro...pan. god damnit"

Natasha: "who needs romance when you've got mastery of mixed martial arts?"

Thor: "queer alien coming through"

The best part was that, aside from not being holed up in the tower, they had just gone around doing normal stuff. Nat and Clint had gone grocery shopping for coffee and enough Poptarts to keep Thor happy for maybe a week, the Norse god himself volunteered at an animal shelter, Steve and Sam went running together, and Bruce and Tony went on a date at shawarma place they'd had after the Chitauri.

The media exploded. Regular news and LGBT sites across the globe were reporting on it, eating it up and trying to figure out what the hell it meant, which was really quite simple. What it said on the shirt. Tony got yelled at by an annoyed Pepper, bombarded with emails and calls, and the Stark Inc stock prices took a dive before jumping up faster than ever before. Needless to say, Tony wasn't bored anymore.

* * *

The whole thing became an Incident, over but not really, and though a statement had been released that "the Avengers as a group would like to give their wholehearted support to the LGBT movement" and Stark Industries had become the world's number one employer of LGBT members, no real explanation had been given, leading to widespread and frankly hilarious speculation.

"Hey Bruce! Did you know people are shipping you with Clint now!" called out Tony from the couch, laughing loudly as he skimmed through this site called A03 on his laptop. The things these people thought of could be equally amazing and strange.

"But I do have a relationship with Clint." he said, not phased by his boyfriend's attempts to shock him with these things anymore. He was reading a book in the next chair while Clint made a sandwich in the kitchen and Steve and Nat watched the Wimbly Womblies on TV. (Thor was currently out with Jane, doing something or other.)

"Romantically though."

"Blech!" said the archer, in usual form. "Sorry doc, you aren't my type." No one was his type, really.

"I could invite someone else to my yoga secessions." he teased back.

"Aw no, don't be like that." he said, his pout audible.

"Won't you fools be quiet? Some of us are watching." snapped Nat, shutting them up for a good 5 minutes.

"Wow Steve. Internet you is waay bendier than real you."

"Internet you has a bigger dick." replied Steve, similarly unphased at this point.

It was at this point that JARVIS announced Coulson's arrival.

"He's probably just here to scold us again." said Tony, but let the agent enter.

"Do I even have to say it?" he asked, looking at the group as a whole and too tired to properly berate them.

"Relax, Tony's still not over last year." said Clint from the kitchen door.

"Can you blame me? These people are great. I'm tempted to leave a comment sometime just to freak them out."

"No traumatizing our teenage shippers." said Natasha. "Now shut up or get out before I break your neck."

* * *

Coulson decided now was a good time to get out of here, but felt a small smile on his lips when he saw Barton following him.

"Seven, then?" said the archer.

"Fine by me, cellist." It was an inside joke between the two for their little whatever it was.

"Are you sure he's not planning something?" he asked, thinking of Stark. Clint shrugged.

"You know Fury's making me put you on a mission for a month."

"By mission do you mean getaway with you, me, Nat and a lot of sex?" he said. One track mind.

Still, Coulson had quite a few vacation hours saved up, and the job was so stressful. Being the handler of a bunch of queer, polyamorous superheroes tended to do that to a guy. Then again, he thought, looking with appreciation at the man before him, it had some perks too.

"I'll think about it."

**Author's Note:**

> Sexuality, Gender, and Relationship HCS used in this fic are as follows:
> 
> Tony: Demiguy. Polysexual and romantic. Dating Bruce but has sexual relations with all the Avengers at some point. Clint has labelled him 'hopelessly allo.'
> 
> Bruce: Cis. Demisexual and romantic. Dating and sleeping with Tony. Has qps with the rest of the Avengers. He and Clint do yoga.
> 
> Steve: Cis. Bisexual and romantic. Totally not flirting with Sam, really Tony. All the Avengers have fallen asleep on him at some point.
> 
> Clint: Cis. Pansexual and lithromantic. Has a very deep qp with Natasha. Sleeps and has sex a lot. Really loves dogs. 
> 
> Natasha: Cis. ???sexual and aromantic. Has a deep qp with Clint. Noted once that Pepper is way better at sex than Tony. 
> 
> Thor: What is this gender you speak of? Bisexual and romantic. Dating Jane Foster. Wants it said on record that he loves Poptarts.
> 
> Coulson: CLASSIFIED.


End file.
